I seriously can say my journal entries sounded so much like that. I look back now at the guys who I have serious love feelings for and think, "What was I thinking?" I can remember how the smallest gesture from my crush had me gah gah for weeks afterwards. I there with you sister. Don't be embarrassed! (Even though it is kind of funny)

Posted by Kristin Leet | March 20, 2008 2:08 PM

Well, I keep a private journal sometimes and that's still too new to share. But now, in the age of blogs, it's interesting to sometimes look back and see what I went public with. Being slightly decorous, this meant my entries were often short and contextless. The following is my response to my friends' responses to an entry consisting only of "I don't want to die." It caught my eye while I was reading my archives last night - I find the fact that I was doing that a nice coincidence with this entry. Anyway, it vastly amused me because I could barely figure out what I was talking about in points - how fleeting teen angst is. (You can judge how embarrassing it is. I certainly find it somewhat so.)

Xanga. Haven for the depressed, the angsting, the misunderstood. Xanga, where all are your friends, except those b*tches who just have to up and start a flame war.

A place I know I've run to before, and probably will again. Right now though, it isn't feeling too comforting.

It seems every time I get on and breeze through my subscriptions, another of my friend's lives has fallen apart. All this summer, time spent with my friends has been fleeting, and I thought it would be so different with my car. Somethings always there though, be it surgery, vacation, or my own adherence to rules that not even I understand why I've imposed upon myself.

I understand fully that it's the xanga mentality, that this is the place to pour out the hurt and soothe the pain... But sometimes I find myself hurt reading it, and I don't know why. Maybe I just wish... Can't even finish that sentences because I'm hiding from myself again.

Of course, you've got me. Apparently I'm Miss Cryptic. Only nine out of ten things are understood, at least if I go by Ben's statistic. I don't mean to be that way. My balance of public and personal is skewed...I'm worried about hurting a group of people, when it probably isn't even going to happen. But I feel so nervous about it I keep myself awake some nights, guilt gnawing away. And they'd probably never know and I don't want them to know that I'm so incredibly silly. Unable to find any other way to express it than, 'I don't want to die.' In all likelihood I should be worried about my own stupidity than the maliciousness of others. Every day it grows more rampant. I need a new escape. Books, movies, they're all so expensive and I can't buy them fast enough...

So I've been rabid on xanga awhile. Updating pretty frequently, trying to leave comments and eprops for my friends, just generally using it for what it is, albeit I give it a scary amount more time than most people. But what is once soothing is now making me edgy.

To make my own bad analogy...

Xanga is my LSD, and good trips have started turning bad.

Posted by Liviania | March 20, 2008 2:20 PM

Hey, Melissa, just read on Sara Hantz's blog that Violet on the Runway made the NYL's teenage book list! Yay! Congratulations!

Posted by Barrie Summy | March 21, 2008 2:16 AM

I did read some of my old journal entries (before I tossed them--I'm obsessed with clearing the clutter) and they were quite embarrassing as well. Why was it all about guys? Sheesh!

Posted by Susan Hatler | March 21, 2008 2:59 PM

How cute!

I say this and I imagine you cringing at the thought but I understand that at that age and all how silly we all were. Plus it was rather brave of you to put it out anyhow.

;}

Posted by Silence is Golden, But Ducktape is Silver | March 21, 2008 5:56 PM

My diary stopped when I was in ninth grade, but they were still embarassing. I actually don't find yours to be that bad. You weren't a raving idiot like me. I sounded like a valley girl gushing every detail of my day in incoherent sentences. Oh well. Hopefully English class has taught me a thing or two. ha :)

Posted by Kaitlyn Hodge | March 21, 2008 7:08 PM

I quit doing the whole diary thing, because a) I had nothing good to say, b) I was too lazy to write in it and c) because it always gets found and I can embarass myselrf.

Your entry was quite cute though. It's true.

Posted by Harry~DayDream | March 22, 2008 4:50 AM

I have ten billion diaries, but I'm going to keep all of them!
I still have the diary entry from the first time I had a crush. I love looking back at it-- I even drew little hearts all around the page.
=)

Posted by Stephanie Wade | March 22, 2008 1:42 PM

I love the book Violet on the Runway.I am using this book for a project in English.I feel just like Violet Greenfeild,P-L-A-I-N. This is the first time I have ever read a book thet is so close to my hometown Martinsville, Virginia witch is an hour and a half away from Chapel Hill ,NC.

Posted by K'lecia | April 7, 2008 4:18 PM